Only 20 minutes brought tons of triggers

Are these ridiculous things to be triggered by? I show up with Chick-fil-a and kiss her. She says, oh you taste salty. I mumble, “probably the fries.” We sit down and she digs into the bag and sees the chick-fil-A sauce and says, “Oh I bet this is what I tasted.” I replied, a littleContinue reading “Only 20 minutes brought tons of triggers”

Starting medication: not a fix all

It’s been two and a half weeks since my personal doctor prescribed Citolopram (Xelexa) which is a typical OCD medication. He said it was fairly harmless, and we could just try it out for 4 weeks. It gave some interesting side effects (tight feeling in my abdomen and jaw, little bit of dizziness at times,Continue reading “Starting medication: not a fix all”

Hack: hope for triggers

So I was trying to do some ERP by looking at old photos and videos of B. And surprisingly it was becoming more and more difficult for me to get triggered! And I realized that part of the reason that I get triggered so easily is because I’m scared of her saying something that willContinue reading “Hack: hope for triggers”

Routine of Good Thoughts

So I felt like God has been growing me to be the type that is in control of my thoughts. Because that will have to be absolutely essential to make this survivable. My friend had told me about how John Gottman says to reprogram your brain by stating 5 good things you like about theContinue reading “Routine of Good Thoughts”

God: I will not take my ring from you

So on that night we repented for crossing sexual boundaries over the past couple of months, B led me through some “spiritual healing.” She had said, I think a lot of your hangups with me have to do with your dad, and your dad’s perspective of your mom (I had told her my mom didn’tContinue reading “God: I will not take my ring from you”


I just wrote about how when I got back together with B I went to a prayer room and it basically convinced me God wanted me to dive in and marry her. Well, fast forward 2 months and things have gotten hard again and I’ve started questioning things again. She just says things that shutContinue reading “Repentance”

Why didn’t you get that?

I was doing okay today. We planned out our mornings so we each did our quiet time separately, did some exercise, watched a sermon together and really had a good discussion about a scripture from the sermon. We watched a show a friend had suggested to us (Virgin River) and I made relentless fun ofContinue reading “Why didn’t you get that?”