One negative thought that puts us in a bad mood is so much more dangerous than just one single thought because it can create an attitude that draws up all other negative thoughts in the area and mount an argument within us against the good.
Some thoughts may be true but are unhelpful to spend brain power on.
I have been hiding his blog from everyone, especially my wife. She’s very private about her thanks, especially relationships. She won’t let me share most of the stuff I’ve shared on here, but that’s why I started this blog, because I can share those things that most people can’t share. She said she would think about it. So if you see no more posts from me it is probably because she has asked me to stop.
When I was praying this weekend it dawned on me, this is the only thing I keep from her pretty much. I mean there are certain memories about other women from my past which really would do no good to bring up, and she wouldn’t want to know. But as far as anything that can possibly pop up on my phone this is the only thing I had not told her about.
So, this morning I told her about it and she said to let her think about it. She asked what purpose is it serving for me and I said it gives me a place to help the people who could be held by knowing what I’ve been through. And it helps me process.
She was gone all week on a missions trip and I had time to plan a warm welcome when she came back. I told myself I want to serve this woman so I asked what does she like and I tried to prepare it for her. I showed up at the airport with a sign that said welcome home my beloved wifey. Then when she got home I had hung the Mexican flag cut outs from our wedding in our entryway and put a trail of petals to our bed where I had two roses and a card and a birthday balloon because her birthday is soon. When we
When we got up the next morning I turned on praise music in the living room and made breakfast for her. She came out and we prayed and worship together. Later that day she told me you just love me so well. You serve me so well. You are such a good husband. And honestly I was loving it! Changing my attitude to simply serve her has been amazing! It made her happy and since it was my goal I was accomplishing my goal which made me happy! We just had the most fun weekendwe may have ever had. We had lots of sex, which we’re getting better at but still trying to get the hang of.
I usually despise cleaning if it takes much more than 10 minutes. But this whole morning I found myself cleaning the house because B is coming home today. And I know she likes a clean house. And I’m doing it joyfully!
Marriage is a funny thing.
I realized the most dangerous thought of my OCD brain always orbits back to this.
“It isn’t supposed to be this hard.”
Our relationship is hard. There is a lot she says that bothers me. She’s sweet, but often sounds incredibly dumb and socially unaware to me.
Other times she has the most stable wisdom of most people I know, she has a handful of very deep and healthy friendships with very good women, and she seems adept at managing people. She seems to be successfully managing a team of three right now.
And for the longest time I kept telling myself, if she’s doing so well in these categories, I must be wrong about my conclusions about her intelligence and awareness. I thought that was a symptom of my rOCD.
But I don’t obsess about many things very often. I just get disappointed. Which sucks. But the dangerous thought that I seems to go back to every time she says something I think is idiotic and I get disappointed, is “It isn’t supposed to be this hard.”
And you can see why that is dangerous. It is fatalistic. It is continually asking myself the question, is this the right relationship.
The answer to that, of course, is there is not just one “right” relationship. Each relationship has its own struggles. This one may have more than others’. But it is mine, I have married her. So now a better question is, “How can I make it good?”
Marriage is a pendulum.
For a quick hour we feel close, connected.
And the rest of the time,
The gravity within us
Wishes for that elusive state again.
I was talking to a friend the other day and he pointed to a flower in his garden. He said they had planted the flower and they thought that it had immediately died. But in the spring it sprouted and climbed the fence and bloomed these amazing unexpected blooms!
We went over to see it and we were struck by the intricate and detailed parts of the plant, so unique, fresh and perfect.
This is like marriage to me. we are continuously finding new experiences, new sides of each other.
The combination of two living personalities create an exponential amount of living dynamics between us.
I took her to the airport the other day and we were both in a happy mood. And we enjoyed each other in a way we hadn’t before.
It is a beautiful thing to discover so many unexpected gifts in the union with another person.
Here’s something else I’ve learned. Don’t let yourself practice mean thoughts. As soon as you recognize you’re building arguments against your person in your head, say, “God that thought is yours.” Or picture yourself blowing that thought away with a gun. Or shooting it at your spiritual enemy (because he is the one encouraging the thoughts) like something an anime character would do.
Don’t let yourself practice those thoughts or they WILL come up when you are mad at your person. And that doesn’t help. Those thoughts are usually not fair and not nice.
It’ll help. You’re welcome.
Marriage has been super fun. Today she had to wake up super early and I happened to wake up a little before hand. So I cuddled up to her until her alarm went off. Then I kissed and massaged and teased with her as she laughed and objected. “Shhh! Quiet, R!”
I got up first taunting her with, “Ha you have to make the bed!” She said the last one out of bed has to make it. Although I was planning on making it for her anyway.
As she took a shower I fixed her a smoothie and cheesy eggs and toast with Nutella. But I added reese’s pieces on the Nutella in the shape of a smiley face on one piece of bread and a frowny face on the other piece. I told her “You get to pick what type of day you will have.”
She took a picture of it and said thank you several times. As she walked away from our front door I yelled things like “Kill it today, Hunny!” and “You’re a champ. This day should be scared of you! Get it baby!” Loud enough for everyone on the corner to hear it.
The last I saw of her as she walked around the corner to her car, she was smiling.
This is pretty fun.
R (three weeks after wedding)