Difficult sex but wonderful love

I just want to say that even though I was extremely fearful and had reason to doubt that this relationship would be good as I got married to her, it is most often sweet, tender and wonderful. The fear as wet fueled most of my OCD. But our marriage is an extreme blessing to me right now.

We’ve had such a good week or two, specifically. But it hasn’t been without its difficulty.

We had a difficult talk last night where I told her I feel like I’m giving more to this relationship than you are and we were both really sad and we held each other as we went to sleep. And today we went to church together and went to shopping and had just a sweet and wonderful time.

The things that used to bother me still give me pause but I’m able to let go of them now because I’ve experienced that the faster I can get over them, the better life is for me. It does no good to focus on those things. We will both be more unhappy in the end if I do. I just focus on bringing life, joy, kindness and laughter to our marriage. And it is so sweet.

We spent a couple hours this afternoon trying to connect sexually, and it is difficult. We enjoyed it all but neither one of us got all the way there. And we’re not sure why. Maybe part of it is the medication I’m on for the OCD. Citolopram seems to maybe be at fault for me not being able to climax. And she is having trouble getting turned on. Or maybe I should say I have been unable to turn her on very much. She’s also quite late with her period, even though she’s taking four pregnancy tests and they all say negative.

Anyway all that to say that even when things are difficult in the bedroom, we are sweet and kind and Grace-filled to each other. I am not always this way but when we are, life is so much better. And after the frank talk with her last night, and after both of us were sad about it, we were just so tender to each other today. And even after we seemed to waste the whole day trying to please each other sexually, and what seemed in the end like a failure, she still texted me messages when I went to church tonight saying I miss you. And I sent her messages saying I love my wife so much.

And I’m on my way home now with flowers to say thank you for spending the whole day trying to please me sexually., even though I know she had lots she wanted to accomplish.

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