A Love When You Don’t Like

The other day I think I experienced a new type of love.

I’m used to evaluating if I feel affection toward her each day or not. That’s what I usually obsess about, when it comes down to it.

But there was a day where I didn’t feel affection for her. And I didn’t feel attraction. But as she told me the struggles she was having that day I realized, this is my person. I have decided to do life with her for the rest of our lives.

And what I felt was a new type of love. It was really different. It was not dependent on feeling affection. It was a commitment and bond with this person. She is within my power to deeply bless or curse.

I had brought her donuts that day as a surprise from her favorite donut shop. She was very happy. So I think I blessed her that day.

That brings up something my counselor had suggested. He said, going into a date afraid I’ll be triggered because I might not like her is a pretty good way to be more likely to get triggered. But going into a date with the mindset, “How can I make her happy” should alleviate some of that stress at least.

He described our stress on a 0-10 level. And he said If I’m starting at a 4 and I get triggered two additional points, I’m that much closer to a ten. But if I go in free from fear because I am preoccupied more about making her day better, I’m more likely lower on the stress scale.

Hope this can help as well!

R, 1-29-2021

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