A couple months ago I got back together with B and I went to a prayer room to gain the confidence to propose. I had been obsessing like I had been when we were first dating. I had told B and some others that the fear of proposing felt like I was on the edge of a cliff afraid of cliff diving. B had told me, R, the most important thing I think you need to know is how God sees you.
I don’t know what your belief system is but I am a Christian and I thought I better get some pointed help with the thing that is most difficult in my life. A guy met me as I was coming in and I asked for prayer because I was thinking of proposing. That’s all I told him, that and my name.
He said, it’s so funny that you would come right now- I’m never here but this is the perfect time. Let’s go pray. He prayed for me for 20 minutes and the first ten of them were him telling me, “The most important thing God wants to know how he sees you. He absolutely delights in you.” Then he went on to tell me in prayer “I think God is saying you overthink things too much and he wants you to take those thoughts and just talk to him instead.” That describes rOCD pretty well, I’d say. Then he said, “my little daughter used to stand at the end of the pool saying, daddy catch me! She didn’t realize that her ability had nothing about her ability to jump but all about my ability to catch her.”
So that pretty much convinced me I would do it!
A few minutes later my step mother called and said she was so excited I had asked my dad to send the ring again. She said, if you don’t treat her well, we will be on her side. You will never find a better one than her.
-September sometime (written here on January 6, 2021)